The Magnus Bane Support Group
by Laffy-Taffy0401
Summary: Alec's not sure how Wednesday nights became the night where they all got together to get drunk and discuss Magnus. But hey, there's booze, Chinese food, drunken kisses, and Alec gets to wear a tiara. He's not complaining. Though, Magnus might be. Crack, strong language, explicit innuendoes, all human.
1. Chapter 1

The club started by accident. Really. Alec has no idea how Wednesday nights became the time when he and Camille got sickeningly drunk on far too much wine and hung out with Woolsey, either in person or on Skype. He's also not sure how he has nude photos of both Woolsey and Camille on his phone (and he knows they have nudes of him, which is both alarming and comforting, for some inexplicable reason). It could be worse, he supposes. Isabelle could be in the club, and Alec doesn't really want to own of any sort of nude photograph of Isabelle. The whole club is half-joke, half-serious, and Alec's not sure how long they've been doing this, or how long they _will_ be doing it.

What he does know is that it's vaguely embarrassing to be a member of the Magnus Bane Support Group, but he can't really be the one to leave the club. Then it would just be Woolsey and Camille getting drunk and talking about Magnus, and he's not getting left out of that.

The Magnus Bane Support Group should probably be a lot more awkward than it is, considering one of them is an ex, one of them is a current, and everyone knows one of them is Magnus' endgame. The fact that all of them have sexual tension with Magnus should probably make everything even more awkward, but really, none of them have ever done anything by the book. Alec honestly thinks that if one of them ever proposed a foursome with Magnus, the only person who would actually have a problem with it would be Magnus himself.

So every Wednesday night, they get drunk and hang out, and the alcohol probably helps lubricate things socially.

It also helps that the three of them get on like a house on fire. This is surprising to exactly no one but Magnus, who is terrified that they're all secretly planning on holding some sort of Hunger Games death match tournament between them and the winner gets to keep him in a cage or something like that.

Honestly, the foursome is more likely.

So it's seven-thirty and Alec is wearing sweatpants and nothing else, and making food-chicken, potatoes and a salad, perfect to go with the red wine they'll be drinking by the bottle later. He's actually not sure if they're supposed to be drinking red wine with chicken or if chicken is supposed to go with white, but he likes red better than white and so they'll be drinking red wine with their chicken. He puts white wine in the sauce for the chicken anyways, just in case. Boozy food is best food, honestly.

"Camille's just going to bitch about the lack of eggrolls," Magnus says as Alec is pulling a last few items out of the fridge. "You're going to end up eating takeout, I don't get why you're going through all this effort."

"We are classy people, don't lie," Alec replies mildly, looking back and forth between the whole and the skim milk before setting both on the counter, wondering absently why they have two types of milk in the first place. "We can pretend we're going to eat this before caving and ordering Chinese."

"Why are you even getting together with Camille?" Magnus asks. "Aren't you two supposed to hate each other?"

Alec scoffs as he begins to work on mashing potatoes; this is a conversation they have almost every time Camille and Alec hang out, and it never stops being funny. "You've been listening to Isabelle again; Camille's awesome. Why would I hate her?" He pauses to add milk from both cartons. "I hope you realize you'll be leaving as soon as she gets here, right? It's Camille-and-Alec movie night, not Camille-and-Alec-and-Magnus movie night."

"My best friend is hanging out with my girlfriend," Magnus deadpans, staring Alec down. Alec would be more intimated by Magnus' glare of death if he hadn't seen Magnus' orgasm face before. The two are remarkably, horrifyingly similar. " You're not supposed to like each other, and my mom's not supposed to like Camille or approve of your movie nights, because it really creeps me out. You are every boyfriend's worst nightmare, the three of you. I am allowed to be freaked out."

"No, you're really not," Alec tells him cheerfully. He keeps mashing potatoes, pressing them through a sieve to make them smooth and fine. "It's a sign of how well-adjusted your life is, that your fuck buddy, your girlfriend, your mom, and your ex all get along great. Really you should be grateful we're not trying to kill each other. I wish my exes were like that. Could you get the butter out of the fridge for me? Cheers."

Magnus hands over the butter, then perches on the counter, watching Alec, and they lapse into a companionable quiet.

Alec's finished mashing the potatoes and has set the ceramic bowl in the second oven alongside the chicken to keep them both warm and is just starting to chop a mixed salad when his phone chirps brightly to inform him he's got a text.

He sets his knife down and fishes his phone out of his back pocket. When he flicks it open, it's a text from Camille.

_TEXT FROM CAMILLE (7:53 PM) change plans bar hop dress nice see u 10_

It's a typical Camille text, one that requires a moment to decode. Before he can reply, his phone beeps again.

_TEXT FROM CAMILLE (7:54 PM) also not eating your house going out my treat_

"Why does Camille text like she's writing a list?" he asks Magnu sabsently, setting his phone on the counter and deciding she means ten minutes, not ten at night. He returns to his salad; When Camille says ten minutes, she usually means closer to thirty.

Magnus shrugs not really sure how to answer. He suddenly looks wary. "Why? Did Camille text you?"

Alec grins, dumps everything on his chopping board into a bowl and sets the bowl in the fridge. His lack of response seems to be making Magnus nervous. It's a little funny. He decides to start washing the dishes and let Magnus worry a little. He gets through two cutting boards and a frying pan before saying: "Change of plans; we're not eating my house and going out."

Magnus splutters and nearly falls off the counter. "What?"

"That's what Camille said, anyway. She said: also not eating your house going out my treat." Alec shrugs. "I can only assume that means we're not eating at my house, and we're going out. But if she thinks she's paying, she's wrong."

"Okay, you're not allowed to go on a date with my girlfriend. That's not okay." Magnus says as Alec starts moving out of the kitchen. "You're not going on a date with Camille, are you? Alec? Alec!"

It's probably more than a bit mean, but Alec is delighting in the panicked noises Magnus is making. He's not actually sure what Magnus is doing in his house (Alec's mostly certain he didn't invite him over, but then again, they practically do live together, even though they've each got their own houses now. There's probably something a bit wrong with their friendship. Alec can't bring himself to care), but it probably has to do with the fact that Camille is coming over and Magnus is still paranoid that his fuck-buddy has plans to off his girlfriend. Or vice versa. It's sort of funny to everyone who isn't Magnus.

Twenty minutes later, Camille flounces into Alec's house and then his room while he's in the middle of changing. She doesn't have a key or the gate code so he's not sure how she got in (and that's actually somewhat worrying and should probably scare Alec more than it actually does), but that's less important than making her pick between a navy blue button down and a tight grey t-shirt. She picks the t-shirt.

"I come wearing killer heels and my best clubbing outfit," she announces, waving to Alec (who looks amused as he pulls on his skinny jeans and the t-shirt) and Magnus (who looks vaguely terrified and quite suspicious of them both). Her outfit is short and shimmery and shows her navel as well as most of her legs and a fair amount of her boobs; her makeup is done in a way that is extremely sensual and a bit zealous. She also looks like she dumped a jar of glitter on her head, getting a significant amount in her cleavage. It's really not a bad look on her, although Magnus looks like he's rethinking his plan to let her go out with Alec in favor of doing something less PG rated in one of Alec's spare bedrooms. Alec doesn't like that plan since he has claim on Camille tonight and other than Isabelle, she's the best person he's ever gotten drunk with. "I look fantastic and it's a Wednesday, so, sorry boyfriend, Alec and I are having chick night and you're not invited."

Magnus looks wary and still more than a bit turned on by Camille's outfit. "This is going to end badly, isn't it?"

"So, so badly," Camille says cheerfully, "We're going to go get blackout drunk and potentially start some cheating rumors. We'll have hangovers from hell in the morning and I'll bitch about it all through my classes. Alec will be miserable to deal with while you do whatever you're doing tomorrow. It'll be fun." She flops onto Alec's bed, managing to make it look graceful and intentional. "Alec, don't wear a blazer, it's too formal."

"You're wearing glitter! You don't get to judge my clothing." Alec counters, but sets down his blazer and ruffles through his wardrobe to find an oversized button down he can wear over the top since Camille had vetoed the dark blue one he'd had earlier. He also adds his fake glasses and a scarf.

"You look like a hipster threw up on you," she retorts and snorts at him when he triumphantly produces a fedora from the back of his closet. "Lose the scarf. Please. For the love of God, His angels and all that is good and holy, lose the scarf."

"But it's a cold!" Alec counters, his head emerging from the depths of his hoodie and tugging a button down over the top. He's not usually one for snarky banter—Magnus generally has that more than covered for the both of them-but something about Camille inspires it in him. "And it helps cover my hickies."

Magnus stares at both of them in something resembling horror.

"Fine, wear the stupid scarf," Camille tells him. "Whatever. Idiot." She sits up and ruffles Alec's dark hair. "Dork. Freak. You ready to go?"

"Mostly. So obviously, Cam and I are not going to eat what I made earlier," Alec tells Magnus, while looking at his reflection in the mirror and trying to fix his hair where Camille mussed it. He artfully tousles his hair so it looks attractive in an quote-unquote 'unintentional' way. "If you want, you can invite Simon over and have it, so it won't go to waste. Everything's all done, you know where the wine is, wash the dishes when you're done. Or, hey, you could go over to Simon's. He's still moping about Izzy's latest rejection, maybe chicken and booze will make him feel less horrible about life."

Alec snags his keys and wallet off the dresser and fishes his phone out of his sweatpants pocket. "Alright, I'm all set."

"Okay, we're off," Camille says, kissing Magnus firmly. "I'll take care of Alec, he'll take care of me, we'll all come back in one piece, you'll go have dinner with Si, tell him hi from us, and we're off! And you're not going to text us this time!" she yells back at her boyfriend, then links her arm with Alec's, and drags him out the door, waving to Magnus as they go.

"He's going to text us this time," Alec says as soon as they're standing on a curb, flagging down a cab in the busy New York City streets.

* * *

Hi, a repost. Guess I'm starting anew. sorry for going MIA for a bit. Love me, please?


	2. Chapter 2

Camille fluffs her hair looking at a compact mirror she'd pulled out of...somewhere, since she's not exactly carrying a purse that looks like it'd be big enough. Although, apparently it is because she stashes it in the tiny little bag. "So, Woolsey's in New York this week, and we're going out instead of being bores and talking on Skype and getting drunk on cheap wine. We're doing a bar-hop!"

"As long as we don't go to the boring bar, I'm okay with that." Alec pauses. "Wait, are we going to eat first? We usually drink on full stomachs and I get the feeling an A&E trip wouldn't be fun."

Camille frowns. "I hadn't even thought of that. Okay, yeah. Taxi!" she yells, and a cab finally pulls over.

They pick a bar, and Alec calls Woolsey, who agrees to meet them there.

Sure enough, Woolsey is waiting at the pub they choose go to. He's chatting with the waiter, a beer sitting on the table in front of him. He's wearing dark jeans and a silk vest on top of a white button down, looking rather dashing and quite fit, and for whatever reason, he's also wearing a pink and silver rhinestone tiara on his head, weaved in between his longish locks. When Camille asks him about it, he rolls his eyes and shrugs as he greets them with hugs and kisses on the cheek.

"I am about to go out binge drinking," he tells them dryly, as Camille slides into the booth next to him and Alec sits across the table, "with my ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend and the guy everyone and their grandmother knows he has the hots for—"

"Fuck-buddy. I'm officially his fuck-buddy – only when Cam's out of State, though" Alec says helpfully, and Woolsey rolls his eyes.

"Case in point. Anyways, I'm going out binge drinking with my ex's girlfriend and his fuck-buddy, so if I want to wear a tiara, I'm damn well going to wear a tiara and no one will stop me, because I have seen you both naked, and seriously, trust me, it has done nothing good for my ego."

"But you've got all those gorgeous abs!" Camille wails, and flags down the bartender. She quickly orders a long island iced tea for herself, and Alec requests a frilly drink with an umbrella the waiter is obviously judging him for. They all order burgers and chips, because no one is watching what they eat tonight, even as they discuss weight and body shapes.

"I'd kill for your abs," Alec admits.

Woolsey snorts. "Are you kidding me? I'd love to be as lean as you," he says, and both men turn to stare at Camille, as if she could settle the argument. She just shrugs.

"Well, Magnus is more attractive than all of us," She says instead of settling anything. "Especially his ass." She then tilted her head thoughtfully, "It's just plain embarrassing when your boyfriend has a better ass than you do," Camille drops the previous conversation without even thinking about it. "But he pulls it off so well, I just can't be mad."

"Magnus' ass is fantastic," Woolsey hums, then snags a sip of Camille's long island iced tea when it's delivered.

"God, that's horrible, how can you drink that?"

"It is not that bad!" Camille protests, and then: "It's not nearly as bad as whatever it is that Magnus always drinks. With the Red Bull?"

"Aren't they completely puke inducing? Just by the flavor, taste, whatever. Like, I'm good at holding my liquor. I puke when I'm hungover," Woolsey says. "But not when I'm drunk. Which is sort of lucky. Neither of you are pukers either, right? Just double checking to make sure I don't end up on hair duty without warning."

Camille rolls her eyes. "If I do like straight shots, or drink on an empty stomach, I puke, but with like normal drinks and pacing, I'm generally fine."

"Same," Alec says, raising his hand. "I usually get stuck on hair duty for everyone else, though."

Woolsey and Camille both wince in sympathy. "I hate that job," Camille groans. "Anyone who wears their hair down at a party when they're a puker is just plain stupid. And it's impossible to vomit attractively, don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise."

"Magnus manages to vomit attractively," Alec says primly, and for whatever reason, that sends all of them into fits of laughter, probably from the fact that it's both ridiculous and somewhat true.

Across the restaurant, the judgy waiter is clearly judging them for their choice in drinks, and probably their choice in food. Either that or their clothing choices, it really could be anything. Alec thinks it's probably their clothes because Woolsey is wearing a casual suite with a pink and silver tiara, while Camille is dressed as if she's going to a rave or an eighties themed nightclub and upended a jar of glitter on herself before leaving the house, and Alec looks hipster.

"Oh my god, have you seen the Instagrams of him that Clary puts up?" Woolsey finally says, digging through his pocket for his phone. "The crotch shots? God, I love this girl – she literally tags it: Thirsty4MagsD."

"Wait, no, I haven't seen that!" Alec says, and Camille snags Woolsey's phone, logs into her Instagram and starts searching for the photoset.

"How the hell does she get that sort of camera angle?" she asks when she finds it, tipping her head to the side. "But wow, that's definitely flattering."

"I miss his dick," Woolsey says dreamily. Both Alec and Camille turn to stare at him. "What? I do!" he says defensively. "Not as much as his mouth, though."

"His mouth is very nice," Camille says primly. "So, what brings you to New York? You never said."

"I didn't?" Woolsey takes a sip of his new beer. "Well, I've got a job interview. Or. I had a couple, today, and two more yesterday. I've got tomorrow for visiting some old college friends-don't worry, I'm good at handling hangovers, and I'm not seeing them until six or something. Then I'm doing sightseeing this weekend, and I'll be back in Jersey by Monday."

"So you won't be here for long?"

"Six days isn't too long, no," Woolsey says. "But it could be a lot shorter too."

"I'm glad you called, though," Camille tells him. "It's always great to see you."

"It's always great to see you both as well." Woolsey wraps Camille in a sideways hug. "And it's nice to fuck with Magnus as well, make sure his head doesn't get too big."

They all snort.

"Speaking of big," Alec starts, and ducks as Camille hinges her bag at Alec's head. "Fine, fine, no cock jokes, Jesus." He looks a little put out; cock jokes are his absolute favorite. "I thought I got blanket permission for cock jokes on Wednesdays."

"You don't," Camille says, glaring at him until he gives her bag back. "No cock jokes, no pussy jokes, no sex jokes."

"But-"

"Let's play it safe and just go through Magnus' Instagram tag instead of making jokes," Woolsey says, to settle the argument, and that's what they do until their food arrives.

Alec tells them the stories behind various photos that Clary had taken of them all, including a five minute speech about how they had went shopping with Clary and Isabelle and they'd got Magnus to try on these loose fitted jeans for the day and he'd spent the entire time grouchily trying to keep his pants up (because apparently he had a thing against belts), while Izzy and Jace tried to pull them down.

"Did they succeed?" Woolsey asks, biting into his burger.

"Yeah," says Alec, grinning widely. "He was pissed off for the rest of the day. I'm not sure if it was worth it for them or not, but it was funny as hell for me."

Camille snorts. "Poor boy. Did I tell you about Magnus and the tea kettle this morning? No?"

"Wait, this morning?" Alec asks. Camille nods. "You mean it doesn't happen every morning?"

"Hush, you. It was hilarious. You know how he's only semi-conscious in the mornings? He got up to make me tea, and half an hour later I got up to see what was taking him so long. He was staring at the tea kettle in total confusion even though it was saying it had boiled-turns out he'd forgotten to put water in and he couldn't figure out why there wasn't any hot water coming out when he tried to pour a cup!"

"Did he ever tell you about the oatmeal incident?" Woolsey asks with a smirk in his voice. "He was trying to make breakfast for me when I wasn't feeling to well, and tried to make oatmeal, except he used milk instead of water-god alone knows why-and managed to cause a small kitchen fire."

Alec chokes on his burger and Camille bursts into giggles. "Sounds exactly like him," she admits, rolling her eyes. "So he's always been hopeless in the kitchen?"

Woolsey nods. "He'd probably die without you two to feed him, honest."

"I can't believe we haven't discussed this before." Alec steals some of Camille's fries; she smacks him on the back of his hand so he drops them. "It feels like something that should've come up in one of our many, many drunken nights of discussion."

"We probably have," Woolsey says. "But it's not exactly a memorable topic, is it? Especially when we're drunk, and I guess we all assumed everyone else know Magnus was hopeless with anything culinary."

"He's also pretty hopeless with technology," Alec says, and then winces. "I feel a bit guilty about this. He's my best friend, and your boyfriend, and your ex, shouldn't we be a bit nicer to him?"

"I just like telling embarrassing stories about Magnus, to be honest." Woolsey tells them as he works through his plate of fries. "It makes me feel less stupid about being in a club all about my ex. Plus, it's sort of a reminder he's still human, you know?"

"Like he's not just this ridiculously perfect human being here to ruin our lives?" Camille takes a sip of her drink and pauses to swallow. "He's actually just Magnus Bane, dork extreme."

"Exactly!" agrees Woolsey. "Now budge over, I've got to go piss and you're blocking the way out."

When it comes time to leave, Camille insists on paying.

"My treat," she informs the others, snatching the bill before Alec can. Woolsey shrugs and leans back in his seat, but Alec goes to protest, so Camille adds "You cooked and then we didn't eat any of it, so let me pay for supper. You can pay for drinks if it makes you feel better."

Alec grumbles, he can pay for burgers, dammit – but he lets her. There's no arguing with Camille anyways, and she's got a point.

"Alright, where to?" Woolsey asks, grabbing his jacket steering them towards the door.

"We could always go to the place on-"

"With the tacky tiki torches?" Camille asks, arching an eyebrow. "And the themed drinks on Mondays? With the Ireland-themed ladies' room?"

"Yes! Except the men's room is British-themed. And the fairy lights year 'round! Best bar ever!"

Camille rolls her eyes. "Are you sure you're old enough to drink?" she teases, but concedes, allowing Alec to help her into her coat and waiting for him to shrug on his own. Alec simply grins and bounces out the door after Woolsey.

"But it's the best bar!" he says cheerfully, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Woolsey, who do you think is the best kisser?" Camille asks abruptly, as they're walking down the street to the bar they've chosen. "Alec, Magnus, you, or me?"

Woolsey looks thoughtful. "My money's on Alec."

"Hello, right here?" Alec says, and is promptly ignored.

"Really? I would've said Magnus," Camille says. "But I've only ever made out with Alec drunk, and never with you."

"So should we make out?" Woolsey asks, and Alec makes a sort of strangled noise.

"Magnus would kill us all," he says. "Or at the very least demand video."

"It's funny how your protests center on Magnus instead of the fact that it's quite immoral of us," Camille says. "Hey, we should make out, and then you should make out with Woolsey some, and then I'll make out with her a bit, and we'll get a threesome cheating scandal with bisexual undertones going on. Would your mom hate that more or less than 'Malec' as Izzy dubs you?"

"I am not drunk enough for this conversation," Alec says. "I'll answer after we've had at least three shots each."

Woolsey grins wickedly and as soon as they've entered the bar, flags down the bartender.

Ten minutes, nine collective shots (and nine individual coughing fits), and a heated discussion later (Alec was arguing that obviously Magnus was the best kisser. He was winning. Camille was conversely arguing with the bartender over which drink was the house specialty. She was not winning. Woolsey was flirting with a tall blonde guy at the next table over. Alec was unsure if he was winning or not, because he wasn't sure how to judge that and Camille wouldn't tell him if Woolsey was winning or not), Camille's phone buzzes with an incoming text. "It's Magnus," she says without even looking at the phone. "New record, he let us have an hour before texting us in a panic. I'm not answering."

Alec's phone goes off next, and he ignores it.

Not a minute later, Camille's goes off again, and then Alec's, until both of their phones are signaling numerous waiting messages.

"He's just going to keep texting until one of you answers," Woolsey says, laughing. "I do wonder why he hasn't texted me yet, though."

"I'm not sure if he's got your current number." Camille sighs. "I'll text him back."

"Tell him we're at The Office," Alec said, referencing the bar they tended to avoid due to the fact that it was always full of tired, business-suited men and women avoiding their home lives and therefore filling the air with a sense of desperation and middle-aged sorrow. "And I'm hitting on some woman who looks like Meryl Streep by discussing the state of the Russian economy. Use lots of big words. I guarantee he'll forward it to Simon and Jace in a panic."

"Do I get to meet Jace?" Woolsey asked absently. "From what you've said about him he's pretty cool. And I like Clary but I think I like Simon Lewis better. Mm, Simon. Sexy, sexy man. "

"He's like a meter taller than you," Camille says, but not meanly. She gives Woolsey a considering look. "Are you into that?"

"Maybe. I mean, sort of? Magnus wasn't that much taller than me, but there's something hot about having to go on your tiptoes to kiss someone."

"Magnus has to tiptoe to kiss me," Alec says, and both had to pause to think about that mental image.

"Hot," Woolsey says finally.

"Definitely hot," Camille agrees, and resumes texting Magnus. "Okay, I used the words economic complexity and groping in the same sentence, sending in 3, 2, 1."

"Jace should text me in about ninety seconds," Alec says. "I'll see if he wants to come hang out then."

As it turns out, Jace does not want to come hang out-he has work the next day and claims his boss, and also his girlfriend's father, Luke, will make him suffer if he comes in hungover again-but he does set up a lunch date with them the following day.

Alec frowns, and starts sending texts begging Jace to come drink with them because Jace always wants to drink.

Somehow, the three of them end up diving into a discussion of their respective kinks, and another discussion about Magnus' kinks, and yeah, this might be why Magnus isn't too pleased with them hanging out.

"Is it weird that we do this?" Alec finally asks, and Camille shrugs.

"I dunno. Maybe?"

Woolsey snorts. "We're all grown adults, discussing a guy we're either dating, have dated, or will date-don't give me that look, either of you, everyone knows Alec and Magnus are going to have a thing at some point-but at least we know him, so I'd say we're two steps above stalkers, a step above fangirls, and a step below...something. I can't think of anything creepy enough."

"Like how Magnus always stalks those baseball players on twitter?" Camille says. "Did he used to do that?" she asks Woolsey, and he nods enthusiastically.

"Yes! Except it was more creepy then because he didn't know them!"

"So, it's definitely weird then," Alec concludes. The three of them share a look before nodding unashamed.

* * *

This is all just one big open relationship let us be real here. :)


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, is that Maia?" Alec asks, gesturing across the bar. Camille turns and looks.

"Oh, hey, I think it is! I'm going to go say hi. I haven't talked with her in ages." Camille gives Woolsey her bag and traipses across the bar to flag down the brunette.

"Maia!" she calls cheerfully. "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm alright," Maia says hesitantly. "And you?"

"I'm well." Camille grins widely and turns to one of the boys Maia had been talking with. "Do you mind if I steal Maia here for a bit? I'll bring her back in one piece."

The boy gives Camille a look like he's trying to remember if he's seen her before but shrugs. "Maia's a free person, she can do what she wants."

"Great! You'll have her back in five minutes," Camille promises, and pulls Maia over to Woolsey and Alec.

Alec greets Maia with a warm hug and Woolsey smiles warmly at her.

"What are you up to?" Alec asks Maia cheerfully. "Drinking away your sorrows after ending things permanently with Simon?"

Maia looks rather uncomfortable. "No, I'm here on a double date," she mumbles, face flushing. "It's casual, and sort of a rebound? But um. Yeah."

"Is he nice?" Camille asks.

"Is who nice?"

"Your rebound. Is he nice? Do we get to threaten him if he hurts you?" Camille raises an eyebrow. "We like you as much as we like Simon, you know. You two didn't divorce, he didn't get us in the split, we actually care about you?"

Maia blinks. "That actually never occurred to me. But then again, you haven't exactly been totally friendly towards me either."

Camille and Alec both immediately look guilty. "That's actually our fault, yeah," Alec says sheepishly. "We'll work on that."

Woolsey rolls his eyes. "It's okay to have awkward friendships with your ex's friends," Woolsey says, gesturing to Alec. "As you can tell, I have no issue with Alec or Camille."

Maia smiles. "You're all pretty special when it comes to friendships, though. Not sure if I'm the same, no offense. But uh, yeah. Double date. That's what I'm doing here. What are you three doing?" Maia looks puzzled and vaguely interested. "I thought you two didn't get along?" she adds, gesturing to Alec and Camille.

"Fucking Isabelle," they say together, exchanging glances and rolling their eyes.

"No, we get along fine, better than fine, even," Camille says. "God, I'm sick of saying that. Alec and I are friends, and we're a drinking club that talks about how much we're into Magnus. It's sort of a thing."

Maia made a face. "Not my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat. I'm really glad there's not a Simon equivalent club, I don't think I'd be able to handle that."

"We don't even talk about Magnus all that much," Woolsey says, rolling his eyes and shrugging. "We talk about our jobs and watch movies and get drunk. We talk about Magnus some, yeah, but it's not in any serious way, it's usually more joking."

"And eat Chinese food," adds Camille. "Really greasy, unhealthy Chinese food."

"So you basically do what every teenage girl does after getting dumped?"

Alec snorts. "More like what a singles club does when they feel particularly lonely."

"Whatever you actually do, it's sort of weird you have a club based on Magnus." Maia shrugs elegantly.

"So Magnus never appealed to you?" Woolsey says, looking interested. "Not even sexually, we've just found that almost everyone says he's attractive to them in some way."

"No, he's attractive," Maia admits, laughing a little bit. "I never said he wasn't attractive. He's just not...not my type?"

"So you do like him."

"Not romantically, no! He was always pretty nice," Maia says. "Even after the whole...breaking up with Simon thing. I guess that's what I like about him. He cares about his friends, no matter what, you know?" She shrugs. "But he's not exactly my type. I don't really go for the dramatic types, I like...well. The Simon types."

Someone yells to Maia from across the bar and she yells a response back. "I've really got to get back. It was good seeing you, Cam," Maia says, and kisses Camille on the cheek. She gives Woolsey and Alec hugs, then hurries back to her group.

Alec's phone chirps and when he checks it, its another text from Magnus. "He wants to know where we are," he says. Camille snags the phone from Alec's hand.

"Quick, make a duck face," she says, and leans into his personal space, practically sitting on his lap. They snap a photo of Camille kissing Alec on the cheek and Alec making a duck face, retaking it twice to get the perfect picture. He sends it off to Magnus with a row of smiley faces and a feeling of unholy glee.

"Who wants to bet we can hear him cry in frustration from across New York?" Woolsey asks cheerfully. They clink glasses gleefully and the conversation turns from Magnus to their own personal lives. After chatting about college and their various jobs and another round of drinks, Camille asks "Woolsey, you've got a boyfriend, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

"Is he okay with this?" Alec asks, still somewhat hung up on the creepiness factor of their nights out.

"He thinks it's hilarious," Woolsey says. "I've been texting him all night. He and Magnus used to be friends. Well. They sort of still are? Except not. Like they didn't fall out or anything, but Magnus moved, and he didn't, and Magnus was okay with us dating once I broke up with him, and so it's sort of like we have the support group and I'm mostly here to make sure you don't murder each other?" Woolsey sighed. "God, I get chatty when I get drunk. Are we going dancing? I want to go dancing."

"I'm not drunk enough to go dancing," Alec says, so Camille stares him down until he rolls his eyes and downs the rest of his drink. "We're also not doing body shots, although we should tell Magnus we are."

"Already done," Woolsey says, holding up his phone. "I just got a line of exclamation points and I think that's a fried shrimp emoticon. He knew I'm in New York, right?"

Camille and Alec exchange glances. "Not exactly."

Woolsey blinks. "Oh, cool then. Can I send him suggestive text messages until he gets uncomfortable with my existence?"

"I will pay you to do that," Alec says, eyes wide. "No, seriously, how much do you want, I will pay you to do that, he never gets uncomfortable with us anymore," and Woolsey laughs, and Jace sends them a text finally conceding to Alec's nonstop texting persuasion and then they're piling into a taxi to go dancing.

.

.

.

There must be something about Wednesday nights because at the club they go to, they run into not only Jace and Clary, but Isabelle, Aline and Raphael as well.

They had all seated by a table, Jace greeting them almost bashfully.

Clary waves at them from the dance floor, dancing with Izzy and looking at Jace like he's refusing her water as she dies of thirst.

Actually, thirst is probably an accurate term for how Clary is looking at Jace, Alec muses. But then she usually gives Jace looks like that even though it seems stronger than that right now, and Alec's somewhat drunk, so he might be misjudging things. He doesn't think much longer, because Woolsey pulls him out onto the dance floor, while Camille tries to prod Raphael into a dance. When she fails, she pouts and drags Jace out to dance.

They spend a fairly mindless hour dancing and making idiots of themselves before gathering around a table, generally sweaty and tired. Jace and Camille offer to go collect drinks while everyone else takes a breather.

"So, what are you doing out?" Clary asks, leaning against Woolsey. The two of them had never met before, but unsurprisingly; get on like they've known each other for years and years. Alec's starting to think Woolsey is some sort of witch casting spells on everyone to get them to like him. Either that, or Woolsey's just really awesome. "I thought Jace said you were going to be watching movies or something."

"We were, yeah," Alec tells her. "But Woolsey here ended up being in town, so we decided to go out instead."

Woolsey nods. "We don't get to hang out much, so it's nice to see each other in person."

"Oh, I totally get what you mean," Clary says happily. She's blissfully unaware that she's talking to Magnus' ex, even though Jace keeps giving them weird looks. "Like old friends and you always get along so well but there's like no time to see each other anymore and it's just really sad?"

"Exactly!" Woolsey looks pleased and helps Clary fix her pinned braids into a slightly less messy style that helps hide her sweaty forehead. "But that's not really why we get together, we get together because we all want to fuck Magnus."

"What are you talking about?" Camille asks as she gives Woolsey and Alec their drinks. They're both some sort of margarita; Alec looks thrilled while Woolsey looks like he's going to piss in Camille's tea the next morning.

"Hm? Oh, the Magnus Bane Support Group," Alec says. "I was wondering if we should change the name to Magnus Bane Appreciation Society, by the way. We're really not doing well all that well as a support group."

"What about Magnus?" Jace asks, following behind Camille.

"Oh, he's on my Guilt Free Three," Clary says brightly, accepting her drink from Jace. Then she looks at Jace. "Ah."

"Did I know about that?" Jace asks. He sits down and tugs Clary into his lap. Somehow they manage not to spill anything on anyone despite the two brimming margarita glasses. "I don't think I did."

Clary pats Jace's cheek reassuringly with her free hand. "Well, he's universally attractive. It's not really a question of if you find him attractive, it's a question of how attractive you find him."

Jace sort of shrugs, jostling Clary a little. This time they do spill a little onto Jace's jeans. Jace doesn't appear to notice. "I never said I had a problem with it."

"I knew it!" Woolsey shrieks. "I fucking called it, day one! Alec, get Simon on the phone, I really only have one more member of your group of friends to confirm wants to nail my ex, as creepy as that is." Everyone stares at him. "I got Raphael on the phone once, and he told me he'd do Magnus if he wasn't straight. Raphael, that is. Not Magnus. Magnus is bi. Let me call Simon!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Camille says, and confiscates Alec's phone when he tries to call Simon for Woolsey. She sticks it in her bra; Alec has a plan to get it back. He'll just tickle her until she hands it over. Or he could just grab it, they're good enough friends he could, but he's pretty sure people would notice if he just stuck his hands down Camille's top in the middle of a club, and then he'd get Magnus yelling at him and Simon's disappointed look because there's no way Jace and Clary wouldn't tell him about that sort of thing.

"But seriously, does everyone in your little clique want to fuck Magnus?"

Jace shrugs again, and Clary smacks him lightly. "Stop moving!"

"Sorry, babe," he apologizes, and gives her a light kiss as an apology. "It's sort of a thing? Like… Everyone's sort of got a thing for him. Not just us. Except we're near him more, so it affects us more? I don't know."

"It's true," Clary adds cheerfully, toasting with her drink. "Like I thought he was hot before I got to know him, and now I see him almost every week I think he's even fitter, and that totally shouldn't be possible." She looks at the dance floor and sees Camille grinding on Raphael. "Go Izzy!" she calls out, and her friend waves back a greeting.

"It's the ass," Alec says firmly. "Everyone's into the ass."

Clary shakes her head. "It's not even that for me. It's his personality," she says, settling more comfortably on Jace's lap. She ends up leaning back with her head tucked into the crook of Jace's neck and her feet propped up on Alec's lap. "Like...he's over the top, and loud, and so totally honest about what he wants and how he wants it." Clary uses her drink to salute Alec and downs half of it in one go. Jace looks proud and oddly turned on. Alec doesn't want to think about that. "Case in point. Anyway, it's like...I respect that, and I'd love to see him bring it into bed. Not that I think he'd ever go for me, but it's a nice fantasy for when I'm all alone."

"That is more information than I ever wanted to know," Woolsey says, blinking.

"And yet you're okay with the Support Group?" Camille says, giving Alec his phone back after he pokes her one too many times. He grins at it triumphantly.

"We'll, I've had sex with you by extension," Woolsey rationalizes. He looks at his drink with distaste, then slugs back a portion of it, wincing at the sweetness. "Transitive property, you know? We've all had sex with Magnus, so it transfers over, and it's sort of like...not as weird?"

"I'd think it'd be weirder," Jace comments. "Because you're comparing what you got with what they're getting."

"But it's also like comparing dessert. No, hear me out," He adds when almost everyone present rolls their eyes. "I mean, say sex with each person is a kind of dessert. Like sex with Magnus is a piece of chocolate cake. And sex with, say...Clary, is a cherry pie. Because Alec, Camille and I have all 'tried' the 'chocolate cake'," He says, making the appropriate air quotes. "We can discuss it, you know? Because we all know what it's like and can actually talk about it, and explain what we do and don't like about it. But we can't talk about the 'cherry pie' because we've never actually had it, only thought about it. And that's why it's weird for me," He finishes, reaching for a bar napkin and making it into an origami flower. "But in the end, the Magnus Bane Support Group isn't as weird because I accepted it as a universal constant ages ago that everyone wants to nail him. Like everyone wants chocolate cake, or has had a similar cake, so even if they haven't had that exact cake, they're cool to talk about it."

Everyone stares.

"You're a philosophical drunk," Clary finally says. "On a ridiculous level of philosophy."

"I took a psych class, some of it must have stuck sometime between the binge drinking and the awesome college boyfriend whose name I've sworn never to say aloud again." Woolsey looks at his nearly empty glass. "And for the record, I don't believe in Guilt Free Threes, because someone's always going to get hurt."

"Does anyone ever actually pick anyone who'd actually have sex with them to put on their Guilt Free Three? It's all people you'll never have a chance with, that's why it's guilt-free," Clary says. "My list is all people who'd never offer and I'd never get the nerves up to ask. I mean, what does it tell you that my list consists of Isabelle, Magnus, and Robert?"

Everyone sort of stares at her for that, even Jace.

"My…dad?" Alec sort of chokes out

"I'm okay with everyone on that list but Robert," Jace says. "I'm not having sex with anyone who's had sex with Robert. That's not a thing I'm okay with."

And that's the end of that conversation because no one even wants to think about Robert having sex, or even him having sex with Clary, much less address it in an actual conversation.

* * *

hello! how is everyone doing? :) xx


	4. Chapter 4

What Alec loves about hanging out with Camille and Woolsey is that they really don't give a fuck about what he's into, and he doesn't have to pretend to be shocked by what they're into. Sexually, at least. He can take the piss out of Woolsey for adoring Merlin (and how he bemoaned the end of the show for a good half-hour), and they can all discuss their frankly disturbing communal love for Doctor Who (Woolsey is a solid Nine fan, Alec discovered part of his sexuality with Ten, and Camille will never stop extolling the virtues of Classic Who, even though she has a soft spot for Eleven as well). And they all love Chinese food (there's a reason they only eat Chinese food on Wednesday), and that right there is the basis of a great friendship. Inferior people prefer Indian, or Thai, or god forbid, pizza.

After they've danced themselves out, Woolsey is chatting happily about the superiority of Chinese food to anyone who will listen and Camille is yelling at a guy who hit on Clary, and Alec's getting a craving for greasy fried rice, so they all decide to go to a little hole-in-the-wall place that Alec loves.

Well, Camille doesn't decide. They drag her off before she can take off her heels and pelt them at the guy's head. They're all sure Camille would have won that one, but Alec and Woolsey weren't too keen on that idea – not tonight anyway. But two out of three is a majority anyways, and Camille would have agreed to going if she hadn't been lecturing some drunken idiot.

Isabelle and Jace wave goodbye as the trio heads out-Clary expressed a desire to go with them, but puppy eyes from Jace and his hand sliding up her thigh put an end to that option fairly quickly. Camille and Woolsey kiss Clary an Isabelle goodbye, give the boys hugs; Alec sticks to waving.

The Chinese place is a ten minute walk, so they meander that way. Camille is stumbling slightly in her heels, but she's also refusing to take them off, mumbling something about YouTube and a pact with her shoes. Alec's honestly heard weirder from her when she's drunk, so he pretends not to notice.

When they get to the Chinese place, they sit around a table and order their food. They chat about Clary and Jace, and Maia and Simon, and a bit about Isabelle and her apparent crush on Raphael (if what Jace had said was accurate, although Woolsey maintains that Isabelle clearly had a thing for Simon) until their food arrives. That's about when the conversation rolls back around to Magnus, which is a thing they probably should get under control. Alec muses on that for a moment.

"Maybe he won't date me because I'm not pretty enough," Alec says into his fried rice mixed with sweet and sour sauce. Camille had made a disguised face, but she's eating enough egg rolls to feed a small third world country for a week. She doesn't get to complain about his fried rice. "You're both gorgeous people and I'm not pretty."

"You're pretty too," Camille says, and pats his head reassuringly, getting eggroll grease into his hair. "But he likes vaginas right now, I guess."

Alec is struck by the fact that he's whining about not dating someone to that someone's girlfriend, and she's actually reassuring him over it. This probably shouldn't be a normal feature of his life, but hey, it's Wednesday, and _fuck it_, he's a member of the Magnus Bane Support Group and that's what this is for, right? Whining about being in love with Magnus?

"You can wear my tiara, Alec," Woolsey offers, and yeah, Alec might be a little drunk, because that's the best idea he's heard all night. Or a lot drunk. He might be a lot drunk. Either way, wearing a tiara doesn't sound like the worst thing he's done drunk, so he's okay with it.

"And I bet we could find you a dress and you can pretend to have a vagina for a while?"

"I don't want to have a vagina," Alec says mournfully. "I like my dick." But he also likes the idea of a dress, because dresses mean no pants, and no pants means a nice healthy breeze around his privates and he wouldn't mind that.

His skinny jeans are too tight.

He says this out loud, and Woolsey chuckles and then disappears out the door of the Chinese place, having finished his...something. It's one of the specialties and Alec actually has no idea what it was. Maybe he should have paid more attention when they were ordering.

He and Camille keep chatting and finish eating (and wow, he always forgets how much food Camille can pack away when she's been drinking, because the only other person he's ever seen eat that many egg rolls in one sitting is Jace, and he spent an hour hanging over the toilet afterwards, but Camille seems just fine). They send a few photo and text messages to Magnus, just to mess with him, and because Alec is drunk and feels like fucking up publicly – even to the point of his parents seeing, they start up a little twitter banter.

**Aleclightwood**: make your best funny face Camillevampqueen ! pic . twitter B30nnr9dD

**Camillevampqueen**: girls' night out with Aleclightwood ! pic . twitter 17GerOb3

**Aleclightwood**: stop eating all the eggrolls, Camillevampqueen I want some!

**Camillevampqueen**: Aleclightwood they are greasy and delicious and also mine. get your own!

**Magnus_Bane**: Aleclightwood Camillevampqueen why wasn't I invited ?

**Camillevampqueen**: Magnus_Bane it's girls' night out, silly! xx

**Aleclightwood**: Camillevampqueen I should probably take offense at that.

**Camillevampqueen**: Aleclightwood but it's fun, right? chinese food and chilling out, it's totally a thing. what else would we call it?

**Aleclightwood**: Camillevampqueen I actually don't know...

They stop tweeting when their mentions from Magnus absolutely blow up threats.

"I can do your makeup while we wait for Woolsey to get back," Camille offers, and Alec agrees. They pay for their food, and then she sits him on the counter in the ladies' room. They only get a few weird looks (and one comment about lesbians and fingering and it's entirely possible that lady is drunker than they are), but it's a Chinese food place at one in the morning and he's drunk on really excellent cocktails; Alec is long past giving any fucks. Camille fishes makeup out of her purse, and starts giving Alec a makeover, and this is actually really fun, usually he dislikes makeup, but Camille is making him pretty.

Maybe he just needs to be drunk to like putting on makeup.

"So have you and Magnus been using the handcuffs?" he asks as she carefully lines his eyes with a black pencil. He'd given Camille handcuffs as a gag gift for her and Magnus' anniversary, and Magnus' reaction had been absolutely priceless. Camille had just giggled, said thank you, and tucked them into her purse. Isabelle had laughed like a hyena while Simon turned a shade of red previously unknown to man, as if they didn't all know he was kinkier than the rest of them combined, and Jace had all but admitted he was into pet play.

"Yeah, they're awesome, thanks for the recommendation," Camille says absently, adding some sort of flourish to the corner of his left eye. "Oh, you should wear eyeliner more. Makes your eyes pop. But yeah, he loves the handcuffs, and they're really handy for when he wants to go bug someone at three in the morning; I just handcuff him to the headboard, and go back to sleep. He hasn't found the trick release lever yet."

"Make sure he doesn't figure it out, otherwise he'll use them to wreak havoc when you think he's restrained," says Alec, tilting his head obediently when Camille pushes at it. "And really? I always thought it made me look like a baby deer."

"Well, it might have when you were younger, but you've got the height and the muscle to just make it look fucking _sexy_ now," Camille informs him, checking her phone with one hand. "And oh my god I know, can you imagine? He's bad enough as he is, Magnus with handcuffs and no key at his disposal would be a disaster."

"If you're texting, could you get the pencil away from my eye?" Alec asks, eyeing the implement warily. He's drunk, but he's not stupid. And Camille is dangerous with makeup, he learned that last time she got drunk with the guys. In a matter of an hour, she'd managed to get them all in false eyelashes and dramatic eye makeup using only her feminine wiles and the sheer force of her personality.

"It's just Woolsey," Camille says, but she does set the eyeliner pencil on the bathroom counter. "He says he's looking for a store that might carry a dress in your size, but everything's all closed, except for a couple of bars and a stripper joint."

"He could always ask for a dress at the stripper joint," Alec suggests. Camille just gives him a look and reaches for her mascara and eye shadow.

Alec wisely shuts up.

When Woolsey comes into the bathroom, he's towing Simon Lewis. "Look who I found outside! Also I couldn't find any stores open at this hour, so no dress for you, Alec. You can still wear my tiara!"

Alec perks up at that and lets Woolsey plant his tiara into his curls.

Simon just sort of stares at them.

"Please tell me it is not my life that I'm in the ladies' bathroom at a Chinese place at one in the morning on a work night where one of my male best friends is wearing makeup and a pink and silver plastic tiara while his best friend's girlfriend and ex-boyfriend put that gunk on his face?" he blinks. "Actually that sounds exactly like my life. Carry on."

"We're the Magnus Bane Support Group," Camille says helpfully, pulling blush and lipstick out of her purse. Simon eyes these items warily, as if she might use them on him in a sneak attack. "We meet up every Wednesday to discuss Magnus and sex and booze and all sorts of fun stuff." She gives him a sidelong glance. "Do you have a thing for Bane too?"

"You're all drunk, aren't you," Simon says.

"So very _very _drunk," Alec tells him. "You should be drunk too. We're talking about Magnus. We've got a club, it's the Magnus Bane Support Society. Club. Group. Magnus Bane Support Group. It's a support group for people who like Magnus, not a support group for Magnus. Want in?"

Simon just gives him a look of disdain and pretends not to notice Woolsey scaring people away from the bathroom. "I would rather fuck a tea kettle that's plugged in than fuck Bane."

"Oh, don't be like that!" Camille says disapprovingly. Out of everyone there, she's probably the one who is sobering up the quickest; she'd eaten the most and apparently the Chinese is soaking up the alcohol. Alec wonders if he'd be as sober if he'd eaten as many eggrolls. Probably. "Everyone wants to fuck him, it's a fact of life. He's like a sexuality defying sex beast or something."

"I agree with that!" Woolsey calls from the doorway. He seems to find a way to lock the door, and then tries to get Simon to give him a piggyback ride, regardless of the fact that they'd literally only met five minutes ago. "He's like universally attractive and shit."

"I am not drunk enough for this conversation," Simon says, dislodging Woolsey. He pouted at him and poked his side in retaliation. Simon poked back.

"Alec said exactly that earlier," Camille says cheerfully, finishing with the eye shadow and reaching for blush. "We'll get you drunk enough. Hey, we should get t-shirts, wear them on Wednesdays!"

"If this is what you do every Wednesday, it's a miracle you're not dead," Simon deadpans. "It's also a miracle you're not all in a hospital for collective liver failure. Or a mental hospital for your apparent idolization of Bane."

"Simon's not going to admit to liking Magnus," Alec's speech is slightly slurred as he leans in to give Camille a better angle to finish up his makeup. (At least, that's what he thinks he's doing. Camille huffs and moves back to keep it even.) "He's too busy telling Magnus to shut up all the time to actually like him."

"I take offense to that," Simon tells them all, crossing his arms. "It's not just telling him to shut up. Sometimes we have intelligent conversation. Like A few minutes ago when I was at his place."

"Right, of course you do," Woolsey reassures him, patting him on the back. "Mostly about how he could be doing better things with his mouth, though, right?" Camille chokes on a surprised laugh; Woolsey is not usually the type to go for dirty talk, especially with people he's only just met. "Have you mentioned a ball gag yet, Si? I hear that's a thing, for some people."

"Okay. I lied. This sounds like my life."

"Well, you can't say you don't want his mouth occupied, at least," Camille interjects, ignoring Simon's apparent discomfort. "If he's as good at blowjobs as he is at giving head, it'd be epic. Almost makes me want a dick so I can try it out, but I like my Vagina. We're emotionally attached, my vagina and I."

"He is good at blowjobs," Alec says, and Simon starts to slam his head against a bathroom stall.

"I bet Magnus' would be good at rimming," Camille says absently. Simon chokes on air and gives up slamming his head against the wall to fix them all with an incredulous stare.

"I'm going to drown myself in that toilet over there," Simon says loudly. "I do not want to think about Magnus Bane and sex in the same thought."

"But you already are, so you might as well cave and admit it!" Woolsey says cheerfully and pinches Simon's ass. He jumps and rubs the spot while glaring at her reproachfully. "Come on, the size kink would be hot. Like, the size between Alec and Magnus is hot. The size between Simon and Magnus would be hotter, okay."

"God, I need booze," Simon says. "The booziest booze available. Shots would be nice. Can we have shots?"

"I think we broke him," Woolsey says at the same time Camille caps her lipstick and says "Well, we're done eating, so let's go find a bar. There, Alec, you look gorgeous. That lip color really suits your skin tone."

"Really?" Alec perks up, pouting to show off the lipstick. "Do I look kissable?"

"Very much so!" Woolsey chirps, and pecks him on the lips lightly in a friendly kiss. "Now get your cute little ass moving, we've got booze to find."

"I don't want this to be my life," Simon says mournfully. "I only came to escort Alec home because Bane threatened to tweet embarrassing pictures of me if I didn't."

"We're going to tweet embarrassing pictures of you anyways, so get moving, let's go, you can at least be drunk if you're getting embarrassing pictures on the internet," Camille says, and they're going out the door, to the applause of patrons in the surprisingly full restaurant. Alec supposes the movie theatre down the street just let out or something, because he can't think of any other reason for everyone to be eating Chinese food at half past one in the morning.

"We did not have sex in there!" Woolsey announces loudly, and that gets them officially kicked out of the restaurant.

* * *

I love Simon, really, I do.

:)


	5. Chapter 5

Since Simon is still demanding booze and they haven't really got anything better to do, they set off to find a new bar. The first one is out, because they've already been there ("I think they have a double entry rule," Alec says cheerfully, being careful not to smudge his makeup. "So nope!") and no one is in the mood for dancing right now so the club where they ran into Jace, Clary, Raphael and Izzy is out, and they end up wandering down the street until they find a place that's open.

Woolsey starts singing Rihanna's latest single under his breath, and they all sort of sing along. Simon looks at them like they're crazy, but sings along as well.

They pile into a bar that looks a bit shady, but it's also nearly two in the morning and there aren't exactly many other places still letting people inside.

Once they get Simon drunk enough, he grudgingly talks a little about how he finds Magnus attractive in a general way, until eventually devolving into general disbelief of Magnus' existence.

"Was he made in a factory?" he grumbles, yawning. "Like there's no way he's an actual human being. He's a robot! A glittery robot!"

"Is he always like this when he's drunk?" Woolsey asks Alec quietly.

"Only when he's sleep deprived too," Alec tells him. "Maybe dragging him out for drinks this late wasn't a good idea?"

"I have work tomorrow!" Simon informs Alec, because apparently Alec and Woolsey weren't whispering like they thought they were. Either that or Simon has secret bat hearing. Both are possible.

"He's not a robot," Camille tells Simon reassuringly. "I'm sure robot penises would be a lot more uncomfortable than human penises."

"But if it's a state of the art robot penis, would you know?"

"Robots are made of metal. Human penises are made of flesh," Camille says, as if this is obvious. (To be fair to her, it is somewhat obvious.) "If you were being fucked by metal, you'd know, wouldn't you?"

"But if it's a state of the art robot penis, it wouldn't be made of metal. It'd be a robot penis made of human flesh liberated from corpses."

Woolsey stares at them in fascination and horror. "I really don't think I want to be part of this conversation," he says faintly. "Robot penises is not a thing I want to think about, really."

"You're the one who compared sex to pie and cake earlier," Alec reminds him cheerfully. "Although robots are a different thing entirely."

"Robot _penises_ are a different thing entirely," Woolsey corrects. "Especially when dead corpse flesh is involved. I really don't think I want to know what these two would talk about if we got them drunk and stuck them in a room together."

"Isn't that basically what we've already done?" Alec asks, shrugging nonchalantly. "They're drunk, they're in a room together, they're talking."

Woolsey winces. It's either at what Alec's just said or what Simon's just said about how to obtain dead flesh for robot penises. Alec's not really interested in finding out which it was. "This is not what I had in mind when we invited Simon to come drinking with us."

"I don't think it's what any of us planned," Alec tells him, and they start their own conversation in an attempt to distract themselves from Simon and Camille's conversation.

"Hey, Lightwood!" Alec turns to see Sebastian Verlac waving at them from across the bar. Sebastian gestures for the group of people he's with to go on ahead, and strides over to their table. Woolsey stares and he might be drooling a bit. Alec's not looking too closely at that either. "Good to see you, you've not been around lately."

"Well, yea, work schedules and all," Alec says. "So I don't see you as much."

"What are you lot doing with Simon here? It's past two in the morning. Simon, you've got work tomorrow," he says disapprovingly. Simon responds by toppling over in the booth and letting out a snore. Camille pokes him with her swizzle stick. "God, Luke's going to kill me, him, or you, Lightwood. Simon's a right monster when he's hungover."

Alec shrugs. "The drinking was his idea. Sort of. We might've goaded him into it. It's Magnus' fault!"

Sebastian just looks at them as if they've gone insane. "I'm going to take Simon home."

"And then you're coming out for drinks with us," Woolsey informs him, finally cluing in that Sebastian is trying to leave. "I will follow you to your house to make sure this happens."

"Or we could just leave Simon sleeping there while you get drunk with us and then we'll put both of you in a taxicab when we're done!" Camille suggests.

"That works too," Sebastian agrees and flops into the booth, stealing Woolsey's beer. Woolsey looks like he's either going to brain him or steal his beer back, so Camille surreptitiously moves to sit between them, letting Simon's head fall onto the seat. "So, anyone care to explain why the four of you are out drinking on a Wednesday night? Also...why is Alec wearing a tiara and makeup?"

"I'm supposed to be pretending I have a vagina!" Alec says proudly, and no one even blinks. "And I look awesome."

"We're the Magnus Bane Support Group," Camille, in her capacity as most sober and coherent person present, explains. "On Wednesday nights we usually talk on skype and drink wine and watch bad chick movies and complain about Magnus and his stupid face, but since we're all in the same area tonight we decided to go bar hopping."

"We picked up Simon at the Chinese place," Woolsey adds. "And we ran into Jace and Clary and Izzy at a dance club we went to. And Maia before that, at our first bar."

"It's been a very long, boozy night," Alec agrees, adjusting his tiara. "And I never realized how many people want to fuck Magnus."

Sebastian sort of stares. "You're all ridiculously drunk, aren't you?"

"Not so much," Camille says. "We've been drunker. No one's puked yet, so. Yeah, we've been drunker."

"Oh, like that time we made margaritas and stared at the surfing photos on Clary's Instagram?" Woolsey grins widely, nudging against Camille's shoulder. "Hangover from hell the next day, I shit you not. There's a reason I don't like margaritas anymore."

"I don't remember that. We never drink margaritas." Realization dawns on Alec's face. "You got together without me!" he yelps indignantly, sitting up straighter. "I trusted you!" he slumped down in a pout, crossing his arms and looking alarmingly like a petulant five year old.

"You were actually there!" Camille protests. "You actually got to see Magnus in a wetsuit. Seriously, you do not get to complain about us getting drunk over a photo."

"I was actually there. I actually got to see Magnus in a wetsuit. Clary had us on a no-touch thing so she can get the photos right. I think I deserved to get more drunk than you did!"

"This argument, as interesting as it is, should probably decrease in volume," Sebastian says diplomatically. "Unless you want the whole world knowing bout your polygamous state?"

Alec and Camille immediately lower their voices and have some sort of conversation Woolsey and Sebastian can't hear that ends in Alec's pout deepening and Camille handing over her drink with a sigh.

Woolsey just snorts and takes a sip of his own. "This is a fairly typical Wednesday," he tells Sebastian. "Alec pouts, Camille babysits, I laugh my ass off."

"So, what does one have to do to gain membership in the Magnus Bane Support Group?" Sebastian asks, changing the topic somewhat. He's not drinking nearly as much as everyone else-probably because it's 2 AM and he's going to have to chaperone Simon (who is snoring very loudly) back home later-but he's probably got a sufficient buzz going right now.

"You've got to be in love with something about him," Woolsey says. "And possibly have kissed him at least once, I think. Did we ever make membership criteria?"

Alec shakes his head. "No, I just remember when I first started dating Magnus, I asked Camille for tips on how to deal with...him, and all his personality, and then we decided to skype you, and it just became a regular thing from there on out? Wednesday, wine, Chinese food, bad movies, generally poor life choices."

"How long have you been a club?" Sebastian asks idly, and it doesn't seem like he's asking for any sort of ulterior motive, but just for the fact he wants to figure out why they've got a club and for the sake of knowing.

Alec's phone buzzes, and when he checks it, it's Magnus, demanding to know why there are photos of Alec in a tiara on Woolsey's Twitter account. He must've snapped a picture back in the bathroom.

"Magnus wants to know why I'm in a tiara," he says instead of answering Sebastian's question. "And he doesn't seem to know Simon's here yet."

"Tell him you won an impromptu beauty contest," Woolsey suggests. "Or you've been making out with Princess Kate."

"You won the body shot competition," says Camille. "And you were taking shots off of Jace and the Brazilian soccer team."

Alec nods and starts texting back.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asks, staring at them. "No, seriously, what are you doing and why?"

"Magnus doesn't like us hanging out," Alec says as he starts describing his fictional body shot victory in detail. "Something to do with the fact he's had sex with all of us and he thinks we're plotting to murder each other."

"So whenever we're out," continues Woolsey, "or having nights in, whatever-this is the third time we've gone out, the rest of the time we chill out over skype, or at Camille's place -he texts constantly. Like, every five minutes. It's sort of hilarious, really."

"It got a bit obnoxious after the first fifteen times. So we started fucking with him a bit," Camille says, flipping off a group of college girls the next table over for checking out Woolsey. "And tell him the sorts of things that could be believed if you were paranoid-which he is. Tonight so far we've told him Alec was hitting on a woman who looked like Meryl Streep, Camille and Woolsey have made out, and that we've been discussing the state of the Russian economy with a group of cougars. His reactions are priceless."

"Ah," Sebastian says, nodding. "Alec, have you sent that text yet?"

"Not yet," Alec says, reading over the message. "Wait, the Brazilian men's soccer team, or the women's?"

"Women's," Camille says. "Remind him you're bi and totally into tits as well as cock."

Sebastian grins. "Are you really? Well, good on you then, Alec. I was going to say, you should tell Magnus you and Woolsey got into a catfight, and you were awarded the tiara for being the loser."

Camille and Woolsey exchanged looks. "You and Woolsey engaged in a body shot competition," Camille says.

"-with the Brazilian women's soccer team and Jace," Woolsey chips in.

Alec grins, catching on. "- -because if there's alcohol, there's Jace-"

"-and tied. You got into a fight over who actually won," Camille continues, "and ended up having a catfight."

"That I won!" Woolsey says primly. "But I felt bad for you so I gave you the tiara as consolation."

"Perfect," Alec said, and started typing the new text.

"I don't know if I should be impressed or scared," Sebastian deadpans, and looks over at Simon. "Is Simon a member too?"

"Sort of," Camille says, reaching across Alec's lap to pat Simon on the head gently. "He doesn't want to admit he's got a thing for Magnus, but Woolsey started talking about blowjobs and stuff and he went a really interesting color, and then demanded booze. Which was pretty much our general reaction initially, so he's like a pledge member or something."

"You've really got to stop watching sorority movies," Alec informs her, pressing send. "Especially the bad American ones. Are there any sorority moves not set in America?"

Woolsey shakes his head. "I don't think so. Maybe the bad horror movies where they go places on vacation and then die in horrifically gruesome ways." He pushes to his feet. "I'm off to get another round, any requests?"

"Fine, then he's like a junior member," Camille says at the same time. She waves her hand dismissively, completely ignoring Woolsey, who shrugs and vanishes. "He's got to pay dues of booze, and bring wine and chocolate to movie night, and make out with Magnus at least once to be a full member."

"I think he has, though?" Alec looks like he's trying to remember, tipping his head to the side. His phone chirps and he grins at the response. "I mean, maybe not, but we were playing truth or dare-shut up, you know too much beer turns us all into twelve year olds-and I think someone dared Magnus and Simon to kiss and it ended up in a make out session?"

Sebastian nods, sniggering into his drink. "Sounds like him, actually. Simon's a handsy drunk, so I'm not surprised he'd make out with Magnus, especially when he finds him abstractly attractive." He gives them all a considering look. "And you don't find it creepy that you all get together and discuss sex with Magnus?"

Camille shrugs. "At first it was awkward. That's when the drinking started. But really none of us have any personal shame, so it wasn't really difficult to bridge that gap. Besides, we all like each other, so it's not that bad of a deal, really. Magnus hates it though."

"We discuss Magnus, yeah," Alec adds. "But it really amounts to bad movies, Chinese food and complaining about our lives. And the occasional bar hop."

Sebastian nods. "I'm assuming you'll end up being a league of evil exes at some point?"

"Oh, I love that movie!" Camille says, grinning widely. "I keep meaning to read the comics but I never get around to it."

"Do we even have enough people for a league of evil exes?" Alec wondered. "Officially he's only got the one ex. Cam and I are both current."

They all pause to consider that. "Maybe not," Sebastian says eventually. "There were seven in the movie, yeah?"

"Hey, Sebastian. Do you want to join the club? You're fun, and we need more people," Woolsey says when he returns with a fresh round of drinks, abruptly changing the topic.

Sebastian shrugs and takes a swallow of his drink and rolls his eyes. "I don't think I qualify, to be honest."

"You don't find him attractive?" Woolsey asks curiously. "You're probably the first person we've met all night who hasn't."

"I think he was talking about making out with Magnus," Alec informs her, and Sebastian nods.

"Yeah, exactly that. He's attractive, don't get me wrong. Not exactly my type, but...he's got nice hands," Sebastian says finally. "Very nice hands."

"Piano?"

"Mm, yeah. But I don't think I can handle it right now with my ex and all," He admits.

Alec looks like he's suddenly remembered something. "Kealie, yeah?"

Sebastian's expression is slightly sad, but still honest. "Yeah, Kealie. But I'm quietly hetero-flexible, and I'll admit Magnus' very attractive. All three of you were-are? What tense do you even use?-lucky to date him."

"Do you have a thing for short people?" Woolsey says, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"You have a boyfriend," Alec reminds him, and Woolsey pouts, flopping back in his seat.

"More beer," he says with what sounds like a spectacular sulk on. Alec hands over his because beer's not his favorite. He likes beer well enough, but if giving Woolsey his beer means there won't be bloodshed or cheating or potential molestation, he'll sacrifice his beer.

Camille will share hers anyways. He hopes.

A half-hour later, and both Woolsey and Sebastian both must be somewhat over the line of a little drunk, because Woolsey asks him to dance, and Sebastian says yes. It ends up being less dancing and more off-balance stumbling and some friendly, pg-13 groping.

Alec sends a text off to Magnus (is friendly groping considered cheating?) and thinks a blessing for the miracle of spell check because otherwise his texts would be entirely incoherent.

He gets a reply back thirty seconds later (WHO DID YOU GROPE) and shows it to Woolsey, who chuckles and smacks a kiss to Sebastian's cheek. Woolsey snags Alec's phone a second later and texts back: SEBASTIAN VERLAC! with a row of emoticon hearts.

They wait long enough to ensure Magnus' inevitable mental breakdown before sending another text (this is Woolsey by the way, i stole alecs phone).

Magnus responds by sending them a random selection of letters and an accusation that they've lost their minds.

Woolsey replies in the affirmative.

Eventually Sebastian admits he'd better get Simon home so he can get some form of actual rest before work the next morning.

"But I promise I'll wake him with runny eggs and slamming pots," he says, grinning. "Idiot deserves it for being a drunkard on a work night. At least I've got tomorrow off." They shake Simon until he's gained something resembling consciousness; he blinks blearily up at them and tries to go back to sleep on Sebastian's shoulder until Woolsey upends a glass of ice water into his jeans. Alec wishes he'd recorded the noise Simon makes. He'd like to have it as his text alert tone.

Camille helps pile Simon's body into the taxi and waves as they drive off.

"Where to now?" she asks cheerfully.

"We can play a drinking game like they do on Youtube!" Alec suggests. "I'm sure I've got vodka somewhere."

"You get water," Camille says firmly, steering Alec down the street. Woolsey follows behind, sniggering quietly. "Drinking games tends to end in alcohol poisoning, especially when you've already been drinking."

"Then Woolsey gets water too!" Alec pouts and allows himself to be manhandled. "You aren't drunk enough though, you have to do actual shots."

"We can do it with root beer," Woolsey suggests, and that apparently sounds enough like actual alcohol that Alec agrees.

* * *

Sometimes i dream up alternate universes where the real sebastian verlac is actually mad chill.

One more chapter left!

:)


	6. Chapter 6

They only make it a quarter of the way back to Alec's house before getting distracted by an open minimarket and a park.

Woolsey and Alec link arms and stroll towards the park while Camille disappears into the minimarket. It's totally deserted, and the whole park is eerily lit by streetlamps; it honestly looks it could be part of a horror movie, and Alec says so.

"Maybe," Woolsey replies. "Needs more monsters though."

They find a patch of grass lit by a streetlamp and settle down. "Does Clary's stepdad know about the Society?" Woolsey asks, sprawling out comfortably. After stalking a great number of social media site under Alec's friends profiles, he had filtered through many of Clary's pictures, half falling in love with near every male Clary had taken a picture of – Luke Garraway included.

"Maybe?" Alec blows out a breath and puts his head in Woolsey's lap. He doesn't quite understand why Luke needs to know but, "We can call him and ask?"

"Good idea!" Woolsey tired and drunk is silly, and he giggles loudly.

Alec sits up to flick through his phone contacts. When he finds the number he wants, he grins triumphantly and presses dial. It only rings twice before someone on the other end picks up.

"Hello?" a groggy man's voice answers.

"Hi, Mr. Garraway!" Alec chirps, lying on his back on the grass and staring up at the sky.

"Alec?"

"Yeah!" he grins at Camille, who waves back at him and sits down on Woolsey's lap with a carton of mint ice cream and a pack of plastic spoons she'd apparently just bought from the 24 hour minimarket.

"Alec, it's three AM," Luke says, but his voice is more exasperated than angry.

"Really?" Alec looks at Camille and Woolsey, who have opened the carton and the spoons and are eating happily.

"Closer to four, actually. Are you drunk calling me? Alec!"

"I'm not that drunk. Camille, are we that drunk?"

Camille looks up and, through a mouthful of ice cream, says "Not really, I don't think?"

"Is Camille there, then?" There's a rustling on Luke's end of the phone. "Tell her I say hi."

"Camille, Lucian says hi!" Alec dutifully reports. Camille salutes with her spoon and takes another bite of ice cream.

"What are you and Camille doing that you're calling me at three AM on Thursday?"

"Woolsey's here too,He thinks your very sexy" Alec says proudly. "And we're the Magnus Bane Support Group! We get together on Wednesdays and we all sort of want to have sex with him because he's got like the best ass ever and we're going to get t-shirts!"

"That's...great, Alec. Does Magnus know about this club?" Alec grins as Camille gives him a spoonful of ice cream.

"Probably? We keep texting him and stuff," he mumbles through his food.

"Well, it's great that you all get along, but I don't really need to hear about my daughter's friends' sex life."

"Oh." Alec's face falls. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Alec." Luke just sounds amused, so Alec smiles again. It's nice that he's not mad. "But it's still not something I particularly want to hear about, so long as you're all being safe and consenting. Tell your mom I say hi, alright? But wait until tomorrow. I don't think she wants to be woken up at this hour. And make sure you drink plenty of water."

"Okay, Luke!"

"Goodnight, Alec."

Camille flops into Alec's lap once he's hung up. Woolsey still has the carton of ice cream. "So I figured every member should kiss each other at least once," she says. "Like we've already seen each other naked, and usually you kiss before that, so we're going to make out."

Alec's never opposed to kissing-he likes the way it feels, and he likes the way other people react, and it's nice. She leans in and he leans up and they sort of bump lips.

It's a terrible kiss, even worse than Alec's first kiss back when he was thirteen, and that kiss involved a frog (Alec generally avoids talking about that kiss, for the sole fact that the girl he'd kissed had insisted he kiss her frog first). This kiss is actively less gross but still worse, in a way. He sort of thinks it might be because neither of them have any sort of feelings for each other beyond friendship, and neither of them are really putting effort into it. Alec is trying to think of a polite way to push away from the kiss when Camille bursts out giggling, breaking away. "Oh, god, that was horrible. I'm sorry Alec, I'm sure you're a lovely kisser, but that feels way too much like kissing my brother. Thank you so much for not going in with tongue."

"So it's not just me then!" Alec exclaims, then looks thoughtful. "Wait, does that mean Magnus is dating siblings then?"

Camille's giggles increase in pitch, until she topples over onto Woolsey's lap again. "Okay, Woolsey, us too." Woolsey and Camille kiss for longer than Alec and Camille did, but it ultimately ends the same way, with giggling and laughter. Woolsey makes a series of seriously bad jokes about the kisses, each one getting worse and worse until they're all rolling on the grass with laughter. Alec and Woolsey go in for a kiss too, but the end result is once again, laughter and jokes about the bad kiss.

"Okay, making out with each other, bad idea," Camille says when they've finally calmed down enough to talk.

"Maybe we're like magnets!" Woolsey says. "Like, Magnus is a positive pole, and we're all negative poles, so we're all attracted to Magnus, but not to each other! Like, relationships are magnets!"

"What about threesomes?" Camille asks, flopping back onto the grass. "What sort of thing is that?"

"I dunno, like chemical bonds or something? Wait, no, that's marriage. Um. I dunno. Like bees to pollen!"

"Do you always get smart when you're drunk?" Alec asks. Woolsey shrugs.

"You'd know better than me, I don't usually remember much." He picks the carton of ice cream up from where he'd set it down to kiss Camille and makes a noise of disappointment. "Oh, it's gone all melty now!"

"Give it here!" Alec says eagerly. "I love melty ice cream, it's like a milkshake."

Camille makes a face as Woolsey hands over the carton. "Oh, that's gross."

"What, melty ice cream?"

"No, melty ice cream milkshake. Mint melty ice cream milkshake." She sticks her tongue out. "Have you ever heard anyone say they're drinking a mint milkshake? No, it's always with normal flavors, like chocolate, and butterscotch, and vanilla."

"You bought it! And besides, it's delicious," Alec protests. "If you don't like it, don't eat it. Simple as."

Camille wrinkles her nose in disgust but stops commenting.

They sit in calm quiet for a while, Alec eating the liquefied ice cream, Woolsey french braiding Camille's hair, Camille scrolling through her Facebook updates.

The park is quiet, but the sky is clear and the night is crisp, and all in all it's not a bad place to sober up. Alec hums quietly to himself, scraping the sides of the tub. He likes this, and it's nice not to talk all the time.

Camille starts talking about what's going on in her mentions, just a quiet running commentary about who's dating whom and who's not talking to whom, and whatever is going on, Camille keeps talking in her reading voice, a gentle rise and fall of syllables. It's quiet, and soothing.

"Our social circle is really incestuous," Alec says, blinking, when Camille talks about how two of their mutual friends had hooked up and were now apparently in the off again stage of their on again off again relationship. "I just realized that. Everyone's dating someone everyone else knows, or they're exes with someone everyone else knows. Woolsey's like the only exception."

Apparently, they're still drunk enough to be singing karaoke, because Camille and Woolsey exchange glances and starting singing the chorus of Paramore's Only Exception.

"What time is it?" Woolsey asks, when they figure out they don't know all the words.

Camille checks her watch, a dainty gold thing Magnus had given her. "Four-sixteen in the morning."

"Who wants to go back to my place and crash?" Alec asks.

"Sounds good to me," Woolsey replies. Camille nods and slumps over on Woolsey's shoulder. "The sun should start coming up soon, shouldn't it?"

Somehow they manage to find a taxi willing to take them back to Alec's house at the late hour (they found a train station and piled into a taxi there) and spend the ride back dozing on each other's shoulders.

By the time they get back to Alec's house, it's nearly five in the morning. Alec sets a kettle on while Woolsey boils milk to make hot chocolate. Camille pokes through Alec's fridge and produces Alec's cold water pitcher, making sure all of them finish off two full glasses.

They sit on the kitchen floor, clutching their various non-spiked drinks, and talk about how the night went because none of them want to forget. Camille cracks a few jokes as she finishes off her tea, and Woolsey sips delicately at his hot chocolate. Alec holds onto his mug with both hands, and participates in the conversation when he can.

It's a nice low-key friendship. It's nice.

Eventually, Woolsey dozes off against Alec's shoulder, and Camille has her head resting in Woolsey's lap, and judging by her breathing patterns, she's asleep too. Alec knows he should probably wake everyone and move into rooms with actual beds, but he's tired and so he leans his head back against the wall. Just for a minute, he tells himself, and promptly falls asleep.

"What are you idiots doing?" is what wakes Alec up an hour later. "It's seven in the morning and you're all sleeping on the kitchen floor."

Alec blinks up at Magnus, who has scooped Camille up bridal style and is about to carry her down the hallway.

"Morning," Alec yawns in Magnus' general direction.

Magnus shoots him a death glare and probably would flip Alec off if he wasn't carrying Camille. He's only gone a few minutes before he returns and leans in the doorway, arms crossed and raising an eyebrow in Alec's general direction.

Alec waves at Magnus from the floor and pats it gently. "Pull up some floor, it's oak and so very comfy."

"You're drunk, aren't you," Magnus deadpans. "What sort of booze did Camille put into you and-oh god, are you wearing makeup?"

Alec only grins. "We have a club!" he announces proudly. "Wednesday nights are Camille-and-Alec-and-Woolsey booze time. We talk about you and share naked pictures. We're considering inviting Simon and Sebastian to join."

"Naked pictures of me or naked pictures of you?"

"Can it be both?" Alec asks. "And I made out with Camille. And Woolsey. And Simon. I think. Maybe not Simon. He was just sort of there. Even though he has work tomorrow. Today? Now? Luke's not going to be happy."

"Who else did you run into?" Magnus asks, and he looks half-amused, half-terrified.

Alec thinks about it for a bit. "Um, we saw Maia, and Raphael, and we called them. And Jace and Clary, and Izzy and they're okay, and Simon! And Sebastian, Sebastian's fun, he should totally be part of the club full time, except it's sort of annoying when Woolsey tries to grope him. He's got a boyfriend!" he says, because for some reason that seems really important to tell Magnus. "And I called Luke, and he said to tell my mom hi. And we might've called Simon earlier, and I don't remember anything else."

"You're going to have a monster hangover later," Magnus informs him, then gets Alec to sit up and hoists the younger man to his feet. "Let's put you to bed with water and aspirin, and then I'll get Woolsey. Camille's already asleep in one of your guest rooms."

Alec let Magnus manhandle him up the stairs and gently tumble him into bed. When Alec is lying down, Magnus gently helps Alec out of his jeans and tugs Alec's shirt off.

"You'll want to wash your face when you wake up," Magnus tells him. "Else your acne'll act up later."

Alec makes a mumbling mrmph noise.

Magnus laughs and pulls the covers over Alec, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Sleep well, Alec."

Alec tries to wave goodnight but his arms feel like they're full of lead and his tongue feels just as heavy. He can vaguely hear Magnus snickering at him, but he can't really bring himself to care, because he's tipsy and tired, and Woolsey is going to be leaving later and he doesn't want him to go because he's Woolsey and he's awesome and they never get to hang out anymore and he really should get up and lock his door because he always sleeps later than Camille when they're hungover and she always breaks into his room to steal his clothes. Last time he'd woken up and she'd hijacked all of his pants and refused to give them back until he'd made her a fry-up for breakfast and he still hasn't gotten all of them back yet. He tries to say all of this but his mouth isn't working and the world is starting to blur so he closes his eyes and hopes Magnus understands anyways.

The last thing Alec remembers before falling asleep is Magnus pressing a kiss to his cheek before shutting the door with a quiet click.

* * *

The End :)

this was more friendship than romance, i should change that genre thing but i can't really be assed

final thoughts?

also, side note, I'm very aware how ooc everyone is, but its a nice lil change :) xx


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